I'm in "yikes" mode when a client asks me if they're going to marry their current romantic partner -- a lover whom they have been dating for only a few weeks! Unfortunately, this question comes up way more frequently than you might imagine. I feel like countering with, "Do you even know their middle name?" I believe it takes at least one to two years to truly know someone well enough to consider marriage. Regardless of my opinion, here are some eye-opening facts to ponder then next time you're planning the wedding on date number four.
When people fall in love, their emotions and behaviors usually become intense, and sometimes completely bananas, due to several factors:
Hormonal Influence: The surge of hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline can lead to heightened emotions, impulsive actions, and intense feelings of excitement or euphoria.
Dopamine: Often called the "feel-good" neurotransmitter, dopamine levels increase, leading to feelings of pleasure and reward.
Oxytocin: Known as the "love hormone," oxytocin is a chemical in our brains that promotes bonding and intimacy. Women produce an abundant supply of oxytocin, men do not. In fact, men have a mere one-half to one-third of the baseline oxytocin levels that women produce.
Adrenaline: Increased adrenaline can lead to heightened energy and excitement, often causing a racing heart and butterflies in the stomach.
Stress Response: Initially, falling in love can activate the body's stress response, leading to increased cortisol levels, which can cause anxiety or nervousness.
Changes in Brain Activity: Brain imaging studies show increased activity in areas associated with reward and motivation, such as the ventral tegmental area (VTA), which is rich in dopamine.
Idealization: People often idealize their partners during the initial stages of love, which can lead to irrational thoughts and behaviors. They may overlook flaws and focus solely on the positive traits.
Obsession and Preoccupation: The desire to be close to someone can lead to obsessive thoughts and behaviors, making it hard to think about anything else. This can manifest as constantly checking their phone for messages or daydreaming about the person.
Fear of Rejection: The anxiety associated with the possibility of rejection can lead to erratic behavior, as individuals may try to impress or secure the affection of their partner.
Social and Cultural Influences: Societal norms and media portrayals of love can create unrealistic expectations, leading people to behave in ways that seem exaggerated or irrational.
Changes in Routine: Falling in love often disrupts daily routines, leading to impulsive decisions or actions that wouldn’t normally occur.
Emotional Vulnerability: Love opens individuals up to vulnerability, and this can result in extreme emotional responses, from joy to jealousy or insecurity.
These factors combine to create a whirlwind of feelings and behaviors that might seem extreme but are quite common in the experience of falling in love. Taking it slowly in developing romantic relationships can have several benefits:
Building a Strong Foundation: Gradual progression allows both partners to develop a solid foundation based on mutual understanding, trust, and compatibility.
Emotional Clarity: Slowing down gives individuals time to reflect on their feelings and ensure they’re genuinely compatible, rather than getting swept up in initial chemistry.
Avoiding Idealization: Moving too quickly can lead to idealizing the other person, overlooking red flags, or ignoring potential incompatibilities.
Managing Expectations: A slower pace helps manage expectations and reduces pressure, allowing both partners to grow at their own pace.
Enhancing Communication: Taking time encourages open and honest communication, which is crucial for resolving conflicts and deepening emotional intimacy.
Preventing Burnout: Rapid intensity can lead to emotional exhaustion. A slower approach can help maintain excitement without overwhelming either partner.
Allowing for Personal Growth: Time apart can help individuals maintain their independence and continue personal development, which is essential for a healthy relationship.
Testing Compatibility: A slower approach allows for various experiences together, helping both partners gauge how well they function as a couple in different situations.
Taking it slowly in a new relationship is crucial for building a strong foundation based on trust, understanding, and compatibility. A gradual approach allows both partners to reflect on their feelings, manage expectations, and maintain emotional clarity, reducing the likelihood of idealizing each other or overlooking red flags. Pumping the proverbial brakes fosters open communication and provides opportunities for personal growth and shared experiences, helping to gauge compatibility in various situations. Ultimately, moving at a comfortable pace can lead to a more thoughtful, intentional, and lasting connection.
If you need help understanding your relationship, get a psychic reading for insight today. Click here to schedule a reading with me.
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