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  • Jennifer Lapierre

Are You in a Toxic Relationship?


Are you constantly thinking about your relationship — worrying, fretting, analyzing, obsessing — to the detriment of your own good mood? One sign that your relationship is unhealthy is the fact that it consumes you. Most psychics agree that the majority of readings we give our clients focus on love and relationship issues.

One distinct pattern I come across frequently when reading clients is that people in toxic relationships know, at least subconsciously, that their partner does not treat them well. They hesitate, however, to voice that opinion to me, because acknowledging the bad in their relationship would in turn require taking action to rectify the situation. Some more honest clients admit that they are unhappy in the relationship, but do not know what to do about it.

If you’re truly unsure whether your relationship is bad, here are a few clues that it is time to go.

You feel like Sisyphus. You know, the guy who had to roll the boulder uphill, only to have it plummet back down every time he got near the summit? When you’re in a toxic relationship, it seems (at the time) worth the effort for the love and for the hot sex. Yet try and try as you may to “make” the relationship work, it does not work. You’re the one trying to improve it, by the way. The only one.You feel undervalued. You give and give and give, yet your partner barely notices, much less thanks you. Take take take. They’re good at that.You put your needs on hold more often than not. You want more and deserve more, but you’re willing to put your partner’s needs before your own. This is fine if you only do this once in a while, but when it becomes habitual, that’s not okay. That’s a crossroads called dysfunction junction.Your partner is giving you “mixed messages.” Are they, though? Usually the messages are quite clear, but when you go searching for that once crumb they throw you to keep you coming back for more, you mistake that crumb for a romantic dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant. It’s not. It’s a crumb. When the messages seem mixed, they’re really not. When someone is truly into you, there is nothing mixed about that message.You compromise your happiness. You may want to take your relationship to the next level, whether that’s sexual exclusivity, playing house, or getting a ring. If you’re not rushing the relationship and it truly has been a significant amount of time that you’ve invested in your partner, then wanting more is not only understandable, it is to be expected. If your partner continuously puts off the conversation for later, or remains adamant that he is not on the same page, then waiting, waiting, waiting for him to “change” is a waste of time. Chances are, he won’t.Your friends are quick to criticize. True friends who have your back will be honest about your partner. Despite their good intentions, you don’t want to admit that their advice is valid. Toxic relationships often drive a wedge between you and your friends, so chances are you are weathering the storm that is your romantic relationship all on your own.You fear being single. This is a big one. Many people are afraid of being on their own. Is going to the movies/attending a wedding/dining out alone that bad? No. And it sure beats doing everything with a toxic partner. Learning how to be comfortable in your own skin is a challenge for some. Accept that challenge with gusto. You will win. Making a decision based on fear is never, ever a good idea.

The solution to an unfulfilling partnership is crystal clear to me, because I’m outside the proverbial forest and thus I can see for the trees. Let me help you with some sound advice about how to handle your toxic relationship.

Walk away.

Or, you can make a lists of your partner’s pros and cons and and weigh them. Chances are your heart will remain heavy as you peruse your list. You can spin off into a left-brained analyzation of why it is okay to stay in the relationship. I’ve heard every excuse from “I’m afraid to be alone” to “I’ll have to live with a roommate” to “my child won’t have a father.” Is it a better choice to stay with someone who does not appreciate you, or worse, mistreats you? No! And by the way, you’re not killing him, you’re simply leaving him in the romantic sense, so yes, your child will still have a father.

“I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me!”

When clients get in touch with me after having left a toxic relationship, this is the one claim I hear constantly. And they say this with surprise, if not downright incredulity. Know what I never hear them say? That they made a mistake by leaving, or that they miss the relationship. Ever. If anything, they wish they had left sooner. If what I’ve shared in this article rings true for your situation, don’t be disheartened that you are in a toxic relationship. Yes, it sucks to acknowledge, but instead, take heart in the fact that you have the power to be happy again. You just have to leave.

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